Motherhood

Motherhood is hard. Let no one tell you otherwise. The hardest struggles I have had as a mother are sleep deprivation and anxiety. That is why the guidance of the Holy Spirit is so important because for one, the Spirit will calm the anxieties, and two, will tell you what needs to be done for that child. We all should be reminded that our children are not ours only but we are stewards over them for our Heavenly Father. They are such precious gifts and blessings and that is why the anxieties set in, because we want to do our best for them and make sure they have the tools to fulfill their potentials.

Not only is sleep deprivation an issue (usually in the first 6 months of a babe's life) but the concept of naps and bedtimes for the baby. I wanted so badly for my baby to get the "recommended" amount of sleep needed during night and nap times. When Grant has a hard time going down for a nap it brings on the anxiety. When he wakes up mid nap I am anxious. When it takes him a while to fall asleep I am anxious.

After being a mother for a little over 20 months I am not as anxious and probably not anxious at all at night time and when he wakes mid nap but I have come to except that my expectations and hopes will be dashed in order to help buoy me up and refine my attitudes about my son. When he doesn't nap as long as I want  him to my first emotion is frustration. Then I have to remember that I am only frustrated because he didn't sleep as long as is best for him AND I didn't get all the idle alone time I need want. Okay okay so the nap alone time is definitely needed for sanity's sake but I will admit I do get bored and want him to wake up sometimes. But that just means I need more hobbies and I could also start working out and being better to my body in the process.

So as anyone who reads my blog knows I never write a blog about philosophical topics. Ever. So there is a catch to this sudden burst of thought. Today starts a new day of nap routines.  I have spoiled coddled my baby up to this point by letting him nurse to sleep for nap time. We all know this isn't recommended. Especially me: One who studied child development in my undergrad. I knew the right stuff about getting the baby drowsy but not asleep and then placing them in the crib and eventually they will fall asleep on their own. Also, it isn't the best pattern to establish when I want to someday completely wean him. He will be weaned by age 2 for sure. I feel no criticism because the World Health Organization recommends nursing until a baby is two. So I nurse Grant for about 3 minutes before bed time.

Now today I decided, because yesterday I was so frustrated about Grant's need and expectation to nurse at nap time, that he would now not be nursed to sleep. Such thoughts of "what if he doesn't fall asleep or nap because he can really stay up until bedtime?" crept into my mind. Also no mom wants to hear their baby scream and cry from disappointment, because we are supposed to always make things better. Well anyway, today was day 2. I sung to him in my arms, then nursed him for 5 minutes, kissed his forehead and said "have a good nap!" and placed him in his crib and left.

Wow. Freedom.

He doesn't use a pacifier at all by the way, not even to fall asleep. But I thought it was a cute pic.

Today before nap time I set up some of my expectations and made them very broad as to not disappoint myself. I set the rule that he would probably cry for a half hour and wouldn't be asleep for about an hour and a half.

So he cried for a total of 3 min. Then he was asleep within 10! Talk about wonderful. I no longer feel the anguish of depriving my baby of anything and feel that everything will be alright. He will be successfully weaned by 2 and this is just the first step of slowly cutting him off.

The good thing about having more children is each time you have another child you figure more things out and probably parent better too. I look forward to doing more appropriate bed time and nap time routines for my consecutive kids and nursing to sleep will not be part of the regimen.